Note regarding “lying”:  I’m calling what we do lying, but it’s difficult to express the softness with which I’m speaking.  I don’t know that there is a word that describes the self-protective elements associated with what we usually call lying.  Just know that there is a touch of humor and compassion beneath the written words.

People often lie to make themselves look better in the eyes of others–this includes parents.  While staying with my parents, I overheard their conversations with my siblings.

A snippet of my dad’s conversation with my sister:

So how was the doctor’s visit Dad?  Oh, nothing out of the ordinary.  Everything is fine.

But I had been a part of that doctor’s visit and this is what was discussed:  the doctor told my dad he had to get on a reduced sleep schedule and not sleep 12 hours every night, plus nap after each daily activity (eating breakfast, reading the paper, and watching CNN).  He recommended that dad find ways to engage his mind and body so he’s not so bored.  He also talked about dad’s heart condition (heart failure) and his recommendation for them to consider assisted living.  The visit lasted 45 minutes!  I had primed the doc before he saw my parents.  He agreed to be “the bad guy.” 

My mom was thrilled that the doctor told my dad to get up earlier in the morning because his sleeping until 11 or later really messed up their routine.  That’s one reason they hired Wayne and asked him to come at 9:30am.  The thinking was that a morning care giver visit would help regulate Dad’s morning sleep schedule.  But here’s another “lie”–my mom is the one with the weird sleep pattern.  In fact, the first day Wayne came, my dad was up and ready and my mother was still sleeping.  Her habit is to sleep when she darn well pleases.  If she doesn’t sleep well one night, she’ll take a 4-5 hour nap the next day.  Try creating a regular schedule around that sleep routine! Truth be told, this is a pattern I could naturally fall in to if I allowed myself to be that “flexible.”  The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Wayne also squealed to me (in an email) that my dad missed taking his meds on Sunday.  When I talked to my parents last night I asked how Dad was doing taking his meds.  Mom said “great!” 

I think they’re “lying” for two reasons:  they don’t like the “truth” and they’re trying to keep us from butting in.  Oh, and because of my dad’s dementia, he just forgets!

So why did I write all of that?  I guess it’s to shine the light on part of what worries me.  When caring for aging parents at great distances–I’m in Kansas and they’re in North Carolina–not knowing if they’re telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, adds a layer of worry.  But this worry is MY problem.  Any suggestions?

End note:  Funny thing - just thinking about this topic has brought me new insights and peace.  I’ve found a way to put this aging process into perspective (at least for now) so I’ve been sleeping much better and worrying less. 

I haven’t had the time and head space yet to lay out my plan for this 30 days experiment.  Stop laughing!  What I am prepared to do right now, though, is stop gossiping and complaining for 30 days.  That should be particularly challenging because I’ve also started a new blog category telling stories about helping my aging parents for the past two weeks.  I’m not quite over it…if you know what I mean, so this experiment will be particularly interesting.  In fact, I’ve preloaded a post for tomorrow about parents lying to make themselves look good.  I may have to revise that one

I don’t gossip and complain as much as I could, but I do it more than I’d like.  I get a kick out of it.  Not only am I going to hold myself accountable in the literal sense, but I’m going to attempt to purge the underlying feelings that fuel the gossip or complaint.  I’ll let you know how that goes and I’ll try not to lie like my parents :).

Don’t get me wrong.  If my food is delivered cold when dining out, I’ll send it back.  I just won’t take it personally and complain about it.  And if somebody drives too slowly in front of me when I’m in a hurry, I’ll send them a blessing.  If I get a telemarketing call, I’ll simply say “no thank you” and hang up.  And if my new shoes give me a blister, I’ll just apply a Band-Aid.  Gee this is going to be tough!  But I’m eager to see how I do.  And I know my life will be better without the negative energy of gossiping and complaining.  Cool!  What kind of person will I become?

Let’s see, I need a visual reminder of my goal.   I will start by writing it on my bathroom mirror with a Sharpie.  I have used that technique to keep affirmations uppermost in my mind.   I repeat them while brushing my teeth.  I better put some kind of note in my car as well.  And maybe a note in the book I’m reading before bed.  But the best route to my success is to decide.  Once I truly make a decision about what I want to do, the doing gets much easier.  Being on the fence is always more challenging. 

I’m kind of excited by this day’s experiment so it may be easier than I think.  I’m eager to put myself to the test.

Do you want to join me in this experiment to stop gossiping and complaining?  Thoughts?  Stories to share?

Eliminating bad habits, detox diets, Feng Shui tips, how-to guides, chemicals and toxins, and exercise are just a few of the categories that make up this interesting list of 101 ways to detoxify your body, mind, and home.  Check it out.

If you’ve been reading my stuff for very long, you know that I’m an environmentalist.  I’ve been so busy with other things, I haven’t posted about the environment lately.   But I’ve got a great article (with recipes) to help you make your own green cleaning products - no need to buy the store brands.  Mother nature needs a little help–let’s do our part by eliminating our toxic-cleaning-product love affair. 

Normally, I’m a really good sleeper.  My motto is “sleep, sleep, sleep”  that is until I spent two weeks trying to set up health and safety processes for my aging parents.  As fast as I could set them up, they shifted or disappeared. 

My mother is like a ferret–she takes things from one place and moves them to another for no apparent reason.  So the prescription medicine that was in the pill box gets moved to the table in front of my father who grabs it to take one–just because he’s a man of action and it’s there for him to do. 

One of my spies (the morning care giver we hired) emailed me to say that my dad didn’t take any of his medication on Sunday.  He mentioned this to my mother who said she’d take more care reminding him.  That will last about a day.

If I hadn’t stayed at their house these past two weeks, I wouldn’t have had this first-hand knowledge about these kinds of safety hazards.  So I wake up most mornings (early!) worried about them.  This morning I woke up thinking about making a checklist (thanks for the idea Aydan!) for my dad to keep track of his “to dos.”  I think he’d like a list since one of his biggest challenges is dementia. 

The list will include:  eat breakfast, take AM pills for the current day, take a short walk, eat lunch, eat dinner, take PM pills.  Anything else I should add? 

My question for you is, how do we keep from worrying so much about our aging parents?  Click the comment link below and share your thoughts and experiences. 

As you can see from this photo, my sugar craving started young.  I think I was 3 in this picture.  I still cross my legs and eat suckers.

I’m going public with my discipline experiment because I think it will make this experiment more fun and because it may help me stick to my plan–you are my accountability factor.  I also am an educator and coach and always want to turn my lessons and experiences into teachable moments for others–if they have the same interests.

Why do I want to do this experiment?  While I’m disciplined in many areas of my life, I’m quite permissive in my personal life.  I naturally tend toward immediate gratification–even though I know better.  My friends think all I do is work and that I’m driven, but in my personal life I’m kinda mushy.  It’s that mushiness that I’m tired of.  The soft underbelly has just gotten too soft–if you catch my drift.  

After helping my aging parents get resituated in their home after rehab (mother) and babysitting (father), I’m ready to get started on my new and improved life.  My mother has been a packrat all her life, and I vowed as a teenager not to follow in her foot steps.  I’ve mostly succeeded, though I have her same natural tendencies toward clutter, creativity, ADD, permissiveness, a positive attitude, and immediate gratification.  That’s why I’ve so ferociously walked the self-help path these many years…and why I’m devoted to helping others do the same.

I don’t know what these 30 days will look like but I admit to being a little scared.  What if I eat ice cream when I’ve decided not to?  What if I don’t go to the gym even one day this month?  What if and what if?  But there’s also the what if I succeed beyond my wildest dreams and find a new level of health and well-being?

As I look around I wonder if I might be one of the rare beings who is willing to look at my faults and frailties–they don’t scare me nearly as much as they could.  I’m on a mission to live a healthy, happy life and if that means facing my demons, then so be it!  I find that many people are chicken–they’re deathly afraid to look at their faults.  I just don’t get that.  Big deal, you have faults.  Who doesn’t?  So I’m special–willing to look at my screw-ups!  Want to join me?

I have a sneaking suspicion that during this experiment I will have a blend of successes and challenges, and that I will make great headway in surprising, and as yet unknown ways.  That excites me and calms my fears about the unknown.  I want to thank you for being my accountability factor–let’s not underestimate your role in helping me succeed.  Think quantum physics–where we’ve learned that the observer changes the outcome of the experiment.

Want to join me in this experiment?  If so, subscribe to my feed to get my daily posts.  I’m assuming I’ll write daily posts!  But again…this is an experiment and I don’t know for sure what the outcome will be.  Here are some topics I think I’ll be addressing during my 30-day experiment:

• What is discipline to me?
• Will I write something every day?
• Am I disciplined?
• Is being disciplined important to me?
• How would discipline help me–make me healthier or happier?
• What do I want to be more disciplined about?
• How will I work through resistance and obstacles? Just do it?  Decide and do it?  Will that be enough?
• What’s my plan?
• What outcome/s would I like to have?
• 30 days or longer?
• Any wiggle room?  How about–drop discipline when doing the activity would throw me too much out of whack – energy, time, etc.
• How to manage energy and my mood?
• How can I make it more fun and interesting?
• Do it by myself or with others?
• What about beer, coffee, ice cream and staying up late and sleeping in!  How many times can I hit the snooze button
• Will I develop a routine or schedule of things I choose to be disciplined about?

Here are some things I want to be more disciplined about–gossip, complaining, my moods/perspective, healthy eating, regular routine/schedule, planned meals, scheduled enjoyable fitness program, weight loss plan, neat/clean house and yard, on top of life—bills, important papers, balanced checkbook, self-care and beauty stuff.  How will I make progress–look at just a few things?  Pick the most important?  Go whole hog and track progress in all/many areas?  These are the burning questions.

To subscribe to the feed to watch this discipline experiment unfold, either click “subscribe” in the upper right column of the blog or subscribe to the feed by clicking the icon in the upper right column that looks like this .  Or you can follow any permissive tendencies you might have and try to remember to check the blog regularly….or you may ignore this invitation entirely.  If you join me, I hope you will comment wildly on the posts so I’ll know that you’re with me on this journey.  And I’m interested in knowing what your personal experience is with discipline.  So let’s carry on!

To our healthy, happy, more disciplined lives!

I spent the last two weeks in North Carolina helping Mom and Dad get settled after Mom spent 3.5 months in a rehab hospital after a fall.  Because Dad has mild dementia, he spent that period of time first at my brother’s in Michigan, and then at my sister’s in Ohio.  Mom is 87 and Dad is 84.  Until recently Dad had the body, and Mom had the mind.  Now Dad’s body is winding down as well.

Here’s a picture of them last year when we celebrated our visit at the Steak and Lobsteer (get it?).  They look pretty young don’t they!

In an impromptu telephone call, my sister told Mom we were worried about her and Dad, and reiterated that we’d like them to move up to Michigan into assisted living where we could more easily help them and visit more frequently.  Over the next several hours, Mom got so upset that she made herself sick for 4 days.  She said we should stop worrying and that she would never ask any of us again for help.  She said that if we made her move before she was ready, she’d never never never never get over it and would die of upset.  She was a pip to be around after that call–swaggering independently with her walker, doing laundry, refusing any assistance, planning garden projects and weekly Sunday open house visits for their friends.

My days were spent taking them to doctor’s appointments; typing up a list of contacts for them including doctors, hospitals, utilities, and friends; shopping for groceries; cooking meals; buying a new answering machine and phone set up (theirs was winding down); sorting through Mom’s 50 years of clutter; and setting up a support network for them after I was gone.  The systems I put in place were like shifting sand disappearing under the weight of our footprints.

Just when I thought I had Dad trained to take pills from his weekly AM/PM pill box, I watched him pick up a stray bottle of heart medicine, open it and get ready to pop a pill in his mouth.  “No Dad, only take pills from the pill box!”

Before I left I showed them how to use the new phones and answering machine and Dad’s automatic blood pressure machine.  I went over the simple steps several times sensing that they were understanding only half of it.  We had hired a morning and an evening person to come to the house–and hopefully they could help them stay safe–at least until Mom decided they were costing too much money and let them go.

More often than I would like, I wake up uneasy, with more “failsafe” ideas for their health and safety.

Because I’m a life coach, I’m looking for ways to learn from these experiences with my aging parents so that I can live a better life and help others to do the same.  Over the coming months I’ll be writing about these things—things that will help us live healthy, happy lives as we age.  Here is my initial list of healthy aging essentials:

1. We need to do our best to stay strong into old age–this takes more than just day-to-day physical activity.
2. We need to eat nutritious food–at least 80% of our diet.
3. We need to minimize excesses–spending too much, eating too much, buying too many things, worrying too much.
4. We need to have a supportive network of family and friends.
5. We need to have healthy routines and habits in place.
6. We need to face our fears and move beyond them.
7. We need to have a good attitude about life.

Please share your comments.  If you have insights about aging or a story about experiences with your aging parents, please click the comment link below.

Together, we may be able to make this care-giving and aging process work better for all.

FREE - Coming this Fall to Several Kansas Cities!

Do you or a loved one have diabetes? If so, attending a two-hour workshop hosted by Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Kansas, K-State Research and Extension Services and Prime Therapeutics LLC would be beneficial to you. The main goal of the workshops is to inform people about self-managing diabetes and encouraging healthy lifestyle choices to delay or prevent complications. Workshops will be held on the following dates at selected cities:

Sept. 23: Topeka (English and Spanish)

Oct. 2: Pittsburg

Oct. 6: Hays

Oct. 9: Salina

Oct. 13: Liberal (English and Spanish)

Oct. 14: Dodge City (English and Spanish)

Oct. 16: Newton

For specific locations, please visit www.bcbsks.com, and click on the “What’s Cookin’ with Diabetes” box near the bottom of the home page. Or call 1-800-520-3137; if you live in the Topeka area, call 291-7062. The seminars are open to the public and are free of charge.  Please note that pre-registration is required because of limited seating. Food samples will be given to attendees.

Ever wonder how to do crunches on a fitness ball?  This little video shows you how to do it correctly for three intensities:  beginning, intermediate, and advanced. 

Click here to view the video

I LOVE this 6-minute whole body workout from Ediets.com.  Bookmark this page and do this great workout several times a week - maybe every other day!