Everyone is irritable or indecisive at times. But some people are so difficult, they make others’ lives and work a strain. Dealing with difficult people is easier when you learn to recognize some common personality types. You can then develop coping skills for dealing with each type without trying to change them.
Worth the Effort
You can’t always avoid difficult people. Learning to cope with them is worth the effort. You’ll get more done and be less frustrated if you do.
Difficult Personality Types Following are some of the behavior types that most people have difficulty with:
Bullies are hostile and angry throwing tantrums to get their way.
Gripers complain about things they don’t like but rarely try to change their situation.
Silent types don’t say much. You can beg, yell or talk to them, but they don’t say more than “yes” or “no.”
Very nice people seem to agree with you but won’t do what they say they will.
“Just say no” types respond to new ideas by saying, “That won’t work.”
“I know better” types think they know everything, and they can also be very condescending.
Stallers put things off until someone else takes over or until the decision is made because of the delay.
Ways to Cope
These behaviors are annoying and can be very upsetting. They keep everyone, but the difficult person, off balance. This can be true even though they may not be trying to control others. Coping balances the power between people. It helps everyone get things done without stalling at the roadblocks difficult people set up. When someone practices difficult behaviors around you, here are few suggestions from the HealthQuest EAP (yes, we changed our name from LIFELINE) that may help:
For bullies, stand up for yourself. Use phrases like “I believe” or “I feel.” Don’t try to fight them. Instead, make your point firmly.
Let gripers know you’ve heard their concern. Directly ask, “What is it you want?”
For silent types, ask questions that must be answered by more than “yes” or “no.” If you get no response, let the silent type know your plans.
Very nice people have a strong need to be liked–show them that you do. Then, dig to find out what’s really happening.
Don’t argue with “just say no” types. Instead, suggest what won’t work before they do.
For “I know better” types, have all the facts before you meet. Raise possible problems, and be ready to follow through.
Listen to stallers to find out what the real reason for the delay is. Help them, and ask them for help.
Call the HealthQuest Employee Assistance Program (EAP)
The HealthQuest EAP has been helping employees manage different types of stress at work and at home for more than 22 years. If you would like to schedule an in-person visit to discuss how to deal with a difficult individual or situation, call toll-free 1-888-275-1205 (Option 7). To find out more about the HealthQuest EAP services, visit www.khpa.ks.gov/healthquest/eap.html.
During this time of giving, this is a good question to ask yourself. “Am I a spoiled child?”
Are you more interested in how YOU feel, what people are giving to YOU, and how you’re doing in your own life? Or do you often think of others? Do you ask people how they’re doing and really dig down a little because you care and you’re interested? Or do you prefer they ask you how you’re doing?
Over time I’ve known a handful of spoiled children – both kids and adults This spoiling often happens when one parent or both over functions in a family. They do all the cooking and cleaning, pick up after everyone….do all the errands, write all the thank-you cards for the kids, give, give give. What results are spoiled kids who assume they are the center of the universe – not just the center of their universe, but the center of THE universe. I feel sorry for these kids because they grow up inept—unable to be fully functioning humans. They become one dimensional.
Once they turn 18, though, they’re on their own as adults and it’s their responsibility to repair the damage that was done to them by an overly indulgent parent. It’s now their job to start asking others how they are, to take an interest, to help out, to pull their own weight. To take their place in THE universe.
How much fun is it to hang out with a spoiled child? Yes, I know, not much. If you know one, drop a hint and plant a seed that they would be much happier and more attractive if they both gave and received. I have someone in mind……but this takes courage….and compassion. I’ve got the compassion, now I need to get the courage.
Last year we lost almost half of our blog subscribers (about 3,000) because of agency wide changes in emails. So we ended up having to scurry to find homes for the HealthQuest wellness calendar we give subscribers. Let’s not let that happen again this year. If you know of someone who might enjoy reading the HealthQuest blog (and viewing the mini videos about cooking and living a healthy life), send them the link below and tell them to CLICK THE BIG RED BUTTONto subscribe to the blog.
If you haven’t yet subscribed to the blog by CLICKING THE BIG RED BUTTON in the right-hand column, I sure hope you will. As a subscriber you’ll get between 2-4 emails a month when I post a new article or video—-and my posts are usually short! The email contains the first few lines of the post so you can quickly see if you want to read more or delete it. Easy peasy. And you won’t be flooded with emails. Occasionally I get on a roll and post more . . . or I get busy and don’t post at all – like I haven’t posted yet in December!
In recent months, I have shared a little more about myself and my life processes. In October it was all about cooking fall produce. Check out the videos and recipes for your holiday feasts below. If your agency blocks youtube videos, you’ll see an open empty space and will need to watch them at home.
ORDER YOUR FREE HEALTHQUEST CALENDAR (sorry, the calendars are all gone!)
Here’s the link to order your Free HealthQuest wellness calendar: (sorry they’re gone) First-come, first-served. Calendars should arrive in time for the new year if you order soon.
As usual, they’re fabulous (lots of recipes in the back)! Unfold the back flap to see all the recipes.
P.S. Please forward this link to your colleague and invite them to order a f.ree calendar (oops they’re all gone now) and subscribe to the blog by CLICKING THE BIG RED BUTTON.
Sometimes household chores stay on my “to do” list for weeks. Every time I think of them, I wince…..”Oh no, I’ve got to do X.” The longer it’s been on my list, the more punishing the thought is and a feeling of overwhelm or dread washes over me. Sometimes it’s very mild, sometimes it’s spicy hot.
A case in point. I’ve been meaning to rake the leaves, mow one last time, and sweep the leaves and nut shells off the deck before it turns cold. Oh yes, and sweep the stairs going down to the basement (dirt, leaves, cob webs, dead crickets, etc.) In other words, yuck.
In the back of my mind, these tasks have been taunting me, “you never have enough time, you’re not very well organized, you’re lazy, you should have done this sooner.” There’s always a little bit of truth to the voice that taunts – just enough truth that I can choose to feel bad about myself. Or I can shush that voice because it clearly is just speaking up to cause trouble. Any bit of truth it speaks is just a tiny bit of the whole truth. That same voice speaks to you. The whole truth is that everyone is busy, everyone has tasks they don’t want to do, and everyone does their best…even if it isn’t very good at times.
Sometimes making a to-do list works wonders, and sometimes it’s the kiss of death for the tasks. Once the items are grouped into one big, long list, the self-talk can get really ugly. Negative self-talk saps energy and momentum, so I caution you not to get caught up in it. If it speaks up, tell it to hush up because you’ve got a plan. A plan?? Yes, a plan.
This is what I do when my to-do list isn’t working. I just do the task. I don’t look directly at it and just do it. Oh, I’m raking the leaves. Oh, I’m sweeping the steps. In other words I start in, not thinking about the dreaded task. I do the first thing that comes to mind like grab a broom. That step is pretty easy. And then I just flow with it moving from sweeping to raking to mowing–not thinking, but doing.
When I feel like I’ve had enough, I stop. But I don’t stop when I “think” I’ve had enough. That little devil on my shoulder often pipes up when I’m close to finishing a task. She says, “Just go and have a cup of coffee, you can finish this up later.” I used to fall for it and stop before finishing. Now I ignore the voice because I know I’ll feel much better finishing the task now. There’s nothing like a finished task.
Now I’m sitting on my tidy deck with a cup of coffee surveying my success. Yesterday I raked and mowed. Today I swept and straightened. This coffee sure does taste great!
In summary: Do “the thing” first, before doing what you want to do like drink a cup of coffee, fire up your computer to check emails, call a friend, or turn on the TV. Do the thing first. Don’t put it on a list or shove it to the back of your mind to do later, do it first. Do it now. The rest of your day will go much better, you’ll feel good about yourself, and you’ll enjoy the fun stuff more.
I call myself an intuitive cook – that means I usually don’t use recipes. It also means that sometimes my cooking flops like it did the other day when I ad libbed a green curry chicken. The problem is I don’t have much skill at Thai cooking. I have a lot more skill at eating Thai food. So it wasn’t surprising that my soup turned out poorly. I didn’t know how to correct the seasonings. Everything I tried made it worse.
Lesson learned (hopefully).
The solution is obvious – add to my skills as a cook. My city offers a variety of whole foods cooking classes at the Community Mercantile. I can sign up for cooking classes. I can also scour the web for recipes and cooking demos like I did this morning.
How fun! See how a problem (ruining my dinner) can turn into fun…..
The appearance of those yummy orange and black wrapped peanut butter candies, mad dashes for the remaining sequined glove costume and your boss bringing out their fangs (plastic ones, we hope) can only mean one thing — Halloween is just around the corner. And KHPA is all about helping you celebrate the season! While nutrition and Halloween aren’t two words normally seen together, we’ve tried to highlight some simple steps you can take to promote healthy eating habits throughout the festivities.
Here’s a collection of some of our favorite Health-O-Ween tips:
Fill kids’ bellies with a nutritious meal before they head out for trick-or-treating. This way, they are less likely to fill up on empty calorie foods. Giving kids healthy foods first will reduce the chances of overindulgence.
Pass out non-food treats such as those found at party supply or dollar stores: pencils, note pads, bubbles, noisemakers, etc. If you have leftovers, these treats can easily be stored for use the following year or birthday goodie bags and aren’t a temptation to adults to eat the leftovers. Just be sure not to pass out choking hazards to young children (coins, rings, etc).
Granola bars, pretzels, cheese and cracker packs, sugar free gum, baggies of popcorn, packets of instant hot chocolate, raisins, and nuts are some healthier alternatives. (Note that raisins and nuts could be considered an allergy or choking hazard for some children).
If you really must pass out candy bars, get the smaller “fun sized” ones. And only give one or two — not a handful — to your trick-or-treaters. Some candy bars have less fat and calories than others- read the labels before you buy. Dark chocolate is also full of antioxidants and usually a healthier option over milk chocolate choices.
Buy your Halloween candy at the last minute to avoid tempting yourself and other family members on the days leading up to your visitors. And buy less than you think you will need. *You know hiding it from yourself doesn’t work; you break down- open the bag for “just one piece”, and before you know it- empty candy wrappers surround the couch cushions)
Beware of cavities: Halloween candy, as well as any sticky, sugary food, can easily promote tooth decay. Make sure children brush their teeth well after a candy snack and before going to bed.
Ration the loot: Total restriction of candy isn’t healthy- anything that is restricted or denied tends to take on greater appeal. On the other hand, allowing your child to devour an entire bag of candy is a sure bet for a stomachache and maybe a visit to the dentist! Stick to small servings by only allowing your child one or two pieces of candy per sitting as a dessert after a healthy meal. A few days after Halloween, put the candy out of sight and out of mind. You can ration out the treats later.
Keeping in mind common sense, a little forethought and moderation, Halloween can remain good, scary, delicious, almost nutritious fun for children and adults alike!
I’m having a lot of fun cookin’ up new ideas for fall produce–and sharing them in videos like this one. Here’s what I had tonight. The color is washed out because it loses resolution from the video conversion process. But, trust me, the colors of the real thing were bright and appealing!
So………….I want to have more healthy dinner ideas from you! At the comment link below, describe your healthy meals and how to make them. And if you send me the embed code for a video, I’ll plunk it in so everyone can see it.
Now I’m on a roll with the fall harvest. On my stovetop right now I’m steaming spaghetti squash. When it’s fully cooked you can scrape it away from the shell in spaghetti-like strands. Here’s a preview…
I’m not an expert on spaghetti squash. I think I’ve had it once maybe. So I’m channeling the universe again, and the universe says, top it with a spaghetti sauce with sauteed garlic, fresh mushrooms, and add several handfuls of fresh spinach at the end. Next, I christened it with a few shakes of red pepper flakes. But for the more delicate pallets, you can skip the heat.
I don’t know what the etiquette is for complimenting your own cooking, but since nobody was here to eat it with me, I went on and on about how great it was. And it was great. It satisfied me on so many levels.
You can’t see how beautiful it looked because this video washes out all the colors. You also can’t smell it and see the swirls of heat coming off of it. It was slurpy-good and I mean that in the best sense of the word. You can see all the juice this little number created. Even Toby wanted to lick the plate! But I beat him to it!
Share your ideas for healthy fall meals at the comment link below. And include your “recipes.” I don’t really use recipes but describe the basic ingredients. Would love to hear what you’re cooking!
Here’s what I’ve got baking in the oven. I’m working on going gluten- and dairy-free and I’m trying to wrap my mind around how to make things taste good. So tonight I cut open an acorn squash from the farmers’ market and started channeling the universe for ways to make it taste like heaven. After a long work week, I want food that tastes great and satisfies all of my senses.
Note: When I cook intuitively, each step becomes clear as I move through the processes of washing and chopping and scanning the row of spices.
Here’s what came to me while tuning in. I mixed the following fruits and nuts together adding a small amount of olive oil for moisture, flavor, and health benefits:
One apple (chopped)
Small handful of dried cranberries
Small handful of organic raisins
A tablespoon each of raw sunflower and pumpkin seeds
5-7 walnuts
A sprinkle of dried onions
A dash of ground cloves
A smidgen of ginger
Several shakes of cinnamon
Several shakes of sea salt
After mixing these ingredients together, I filled the two halves of the acorn squash and popped them in the convection oven on 375 for an hour. I did not peel the acorn squash. I just cut it in half and scooped out the seeds. I’ll keep checking it in case it doesn’t take that long. It smells divine.
I think hearty fall foods help compensate for the sometimes cold, wet, and dark days of fall and winter. Flannel sheets help too! It also helps that it’s the weekend and tonight I get to do whatever I want! I hope you set aside times during the week to do whatever YOU want. It’s critical to health and happiness. And I’m not just saying that. It’s critical.
Just checked and it’s not done yet so I’m snacking on celery dipped in red pepper humus.
Anybody have ideas for some healthy, hearty fall foods? Tell us at the comment link below.
Have you ever noticed that if things are fun, we’ll do them even if they’re more difficult than the alternative? Getting more physically active is our #1 health challenge. How can we make it more fun? A group of students from Stockholm came up with a brilliant idea…and here’s how they implemented it.
At company picnics and retreats, employees do the craziest things because they’re fun…like the three legged race and the ropes challenge courses. I recently heard of a company challenge to build a “boat” from cardboard that must transport an employee from one end of the pool to the other. What else can we do at home and at the work site to make physical activity more fun?
Here’s my suggestion. Create a “Fun Committee” at work that dreams up wild and crazy and FUN ways to bring wellness into the workplace. And on the home front, get your kids involved. If they’re not yet teenagers, the serious gene isn’t full blown yet and they’re not as worried that you’ll embarrass them.
I’m tapped out. I need your help….what other suggestions do you have? Leave your comments at the link below.
Support for a healthy lifestyle when you need it most - Year Round! Brought to you by the Kansas Health Policy Authority, HealthQuest, and
Cheryl Miller, Wellness Director
Not a member yet? Subscribe to get a notice when Cheryl writes a new post.
.
the farmers’ market and started channeling the universe for ways to make it taste like heaven. After a long work week, I want food that tastes great and satisfies all of my senses.
